From The Club To The PulPit
It is almost unfathomable at this point in my life, the thought that at some point brokenness defined me. I was broken to a point, that some may say, was a point of no return. I guess to me the most intriguing thing is that I was raised by pastors, a man and woman who were devoted to God.
It all started with neglect coming from my biological parents. I have vague memories of my biological mother at a young age. I remember feeling like I wasn’t good, loveable or pretty enough for her to so much as take her time to look at me. At the root of the issues I have faced, is rejection. That, of course, was after my biological father died of HIV/AIDS.
My grandparents (the pastors), took me in, raised me as one of their own and gave me the best life they could afford to give me. One would have believed that there was yet hope for me; at least my grandparents were looking out for me. But as quickly as I’d chosen to believe I may have been good enough for something in this life, the roots began to yield fruit.
At the tender age of 14, I was raped by a much older man. There I was, the pastors kid, experiencing a terror I’d only heard of in newspapers and magazines. And of course, as expected, this experience alienated me from who I had believed to be a good God. From that point onwards, I told myself that if were to experience anything sexual, I’d be the one to instigate it, I’d be the one to take from the man.
And so, the downward spiral began.
Over a period of six long years, I was intimate with multiple men. I felt I needed to fill this void left in my heart. It obviously makes it no easier that both my parents had been intimate with multiple partners too; it was in my blood. I told myself I was ok yet I lived the life of a broken girl.
Being the lead singer of a fast-rising girl band named “XoXo”, I was quickly rising to the top. I worked in almost three different clubs, I was so good at what I did, that at some point, clubs were offering me more and more money to work for them. I introduced multiple young ladies to the club life, I rubbed shoulders with famous and wealthy people, and of course, the money was good.
My family ridiculed me, wrote me off and said I wouldn’t amount to anything. Family friends watched from a distance, expecting the worst from me.
To make matters worse, I was dating the WORST POSSIBLE MAN – the son of a self-proclaimed witch. The more I write, the more it begins to feel like a movie script!
I don’t remember exactly when my turn around came, but I very distinctly remember standing in front of the mirror at the ladies’ room in one club. I looked at myself and shook my head. “This isn’t you.” I would tell myself.
“God, I’ll change. I’ll be better for you.” Was my prayer.
Little did I know that God would take the very brokenness, the pain, the rejection, the hurts and turn them into a sweet tasting soup. I didn’t know that my test, would eventually be my testimony.
Miraculously, God delivered me from years of pain. He filled the void of darkness, the deep hole that sucked the life out of me and gave me Himself. He turned my darkness into light. He traded death for life. I was dying slowly, but God revived me suddenly.
Where man had given up, God was only just getting started. Where man believed I was nearing my end, God showed me it was only the beginning.
Today, I serve as a youth pastor along with my amazing husband. I sing to glorify the King of Kings and I live to share my testimony!
I firmly believe that if God could save me, He can save anyone.
There is no dark place that Jesus Christ cannot reach. God can take even an ex-sinner like myself and transform you. He can take you from the shebeen, the tavern, the cult, and even the club… to the pulpit.